Saturday, January 01, 2005

The Accidental Hausfrau

Over on The New Homemaker, webmistress Lynn Siprelle has started a discussion thread about a book that she proposes to write. I started to reply in the thread, and realized that I had a lot to say. So I'm posting it on my blog instead, and I think I'll have a lot more to say about these rambling subjects over the next few days.

Over the past few years, I have come to understand that homemaking is more than just tending to the physical space of the home. The art, the calling of homemaking is creating the emotional sanctuary for the family. It's more than getting dinner into tummies - it's nourishing minds and hearts and souls.

In our culture, in these times, it seems that the needs and desires of the individual trump those of the collective.

I'm 35. I came of age in a time when feminist orthodoxy told me, "you can be anything you want, you can have it all." But "you can" mutated into "you must." Doors were being broken down for my generation, and to NOT barrel through those doors would be spitting in the face of my older "sisters in the movement" now wouldn't it? Run, run, run, as fast as you can, away from the pink collar ghetto! I charged into the "Man's world" - I was accepted to Royal Roads Military College to become an officer in the Canadian Armed Forces and study engineering. At Basic Officer Training, I quickly realized that it wasn't where my heart wanted me to be. I also quickly realized that 18 year old girls women who are 4'11" and 98 pounds cannot keep up on field exercises when the pace is set by young men who are at least a foot taller and 100 lbs heavier. In that situation, brawn beats brains every time.

Flash forward - I left the military, and ran to the pink collar "ghetto". I earned a Bachelor of Nursing Science from
Queen's University and embarked upon a satisfying career. Like many Canadian nurses, I ended up in the United States after a while .. met a soldier - a paratrooper no less! - got married, and started following his career around the world.

I call myself an "Accidental Hausfrau." I really didn't intend to walk away from my nursing career for so long. When we lived in Italy, there were no RN jobs. (Yea, boo hoo hoo, I know you pity me because I was unemployed while living in Italy). Then we had a baby .. and Steve was is deployed all the time .. and our child has special learning needs. So I'm still at home. It works for our family, period.

Well, it doesn't always work out. I struggle with issues of self-identity and self-esteem. I feel the fallout of the Mommy Wars. (I wish there was a different term for that .. "war" is a pretty touchy word for me.) I perceive resentment and hostility from some working moms whose path I have crossed over the years. I am fearful that I will lose myself and become the transparent "Mrs. T" .. if that hasn't happened already. What if there is no more Rose - only SFC T's wife, only William's mother?

To be continued ..

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Amen! I'm a former jr high teacher, now stay at home mom. Sometimes I wonder if I'm getting lost....but I wouldn't change where I am....I love being able to spend so much time with my kids!